Losing a player is different than losing a character. In game losses are tough. Losing a person at the table can go either way. Let's be honest. As a GM there's players you wouldn't mind seeing the last of.
We lost a player recently. I knew he was unhappy even though the game included things he said he wanted. I asked him about it. The response I got was long delayed and I could tell he was working up to leaving. But I was more than willing to give at least one encounter I knew would intrigue him. The rest of the group would enjoy it as well.
I also think the shift to online didn't help. There will be more on that in a future post. But the disconnect between in person and online seems to have been a problem for him. I honestly think he couldn't keep his attention on the game when he didn't have the people there. I would see him off in other channels while we were playing and he always had excuses why his camera didn't work.
Even when you see it coming a player leaving can be a shock.
In this case he left in the middle of the game, sending a message to the group chat that it's been fun but the game isn't for him anymore, and wishing us well. Completely out of the blue, at least to the rest of the players. It hit everyone.
So how do you deal with it? Especially when it brings the group down below a critical mass for an effective game? I used the time right there to talk it out. I wanted to let the rest of the group wasn't to blame (his message could have read that way) and that we could move forward in a few ways. These work even when the player leaving is something with notice.
First I asked if anyone knew someone who wanted to join. Players talk to other players. The best way to get someone in line with the group is to have someone from the group recommend them. There's a couple of reasons for that. One is that the person already knows what the game is like. The other is that the person has a reason to behave since they were recommended.
We lucked out and one of the players said his wife was interested in joining. She and I talked after the session and she seemed like a potential good fit. I have my own issues with couples at the game table and addressed them (yet another post here). So that's all handled.
If we didn't have a player on hand then I would have advertised the game on Meetup and in the local Facebook groups. Although we're online now we want to go back to in person so that means local. It also means finding a new place to play since the player that left was the host. Really the only place open will be mine, once I clean up my junk. Finding a new player this way means interviewing.
Another option is not to replace the player. Most games are optimized for four players but it can be more or less. If the group has decided not to play when players are missing then it's not that much of a problem. If they do want to play when people can't be there then it is a problem. Again, this is a group thing.
We had another issue with this player leaving. His character was the wizard. As of now the group has no access to arcane magic besides magic items. Since I refuse to force people into "missing slots" and the new player chose a non-arcane class it's on me to rejigger the encounters so they are arcane magic lite. I've also made it so that once a magic item is identified they don't need to roll Use Magic Device to use it. They know how from the identification. This lets me replace the wizard with trinkets.
I won't lie. Losing a player hurts. Losing one this way makes me doubt myself. I've gotten past that by referring to my notes and how the player changed when we had the long break then restarted online. He's an in person gamer. That's fine. I think he really wanted to try the online gaming. It didn't work for him. But he chose a very poor way to leave. No one got the chance to say goodbye.
That's the thing. A group of players tends to be more than strangers who sit down at a table every so often and roll shiny math rocks. They form a party. When he left the game he hurt every person in that party. I had very little issue with throwing shade on him for his actions, both in game and out. His character had been very dickish the last few sessions and getting very greedy. The other players were noticing and were trying to play it out. But alas, it didn't happen.
I've lost other players for other reasons. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes they decide the game isn't for them. Sometimes they don't give a reason.
I recommend spending a little time contemplating what they were like prior to leaving (exceptions for those who leave for real life reasons) and see if there was anything that could have been done. That doesn't mean you should beat yourself up. It's more of an evening worth of going back through your notes and thinking about how that player reacted to things in the game. Then decide if it was the game or the player. Or both.
The important thing is to have an open discussion with the rest of the group. Let them know that they can bring up any problems to you. I know there's a school of thought where after every game the GM asks the players what they did and didn't like. I avoid that kind of thing and I'll tell you why. Issues players are having with other players never get disclosed. I send out occasional emails to each person asking what they think of the game and what's missing for them, if anything. I word it better than that. But it's between the two of us so I hope they feel they can be more honest.
The summary of all this is that you can't please everyone. Players are going to leave your game. The game can go on, the game can end. You don't know. But in every case take the time to think about why that player left and if it's something that can be and/or should be avoided in the future. Just because one player didn't like something doesn't mean it's wrong - don't obsess.
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