Friday, May 29, 2026

Backrooms - My Take (Spoilers)

 

I know this is based off something on YouTube and that's starting to make me leery of anything from there. I'm in the minority on that, it seems, but I'm also pretty sure I'm not the target audience for these. I find them all, well, bad.

Gee. I spoiled the review.

Anyway. I do like the premise and liminal spaces is just creepy. Having someone find a liminal space that doesn't conform to anything hidden through a soft spot in a wall is a good writing prompt. I guess the original concept started as a 4chan post and there's a bunch of short stories about it. Before I saw the movie I saw that it was based on a book, so I figured I'd get around to reading the book afterward. I'm not reading the book.

A divorced frustrated architect who drinks and runs a very low-quality failing furniture store finds a "soft spot" in the basement wall that leads to a liminal space. In the middle of the first room is a pile made up of a bunch of furniture similar to what he sells. He picks up a stacked chair and finds it's fused to the one below. Then he wanders around the place without any rhyme, reason, or clear method to find his way back.

I have to interject. If I found a soft spot in the wall I'd back up, nope out, and start my "going out of business" sale the next day.

The guy is in therapy for his drinking and divorce issues. The therapist is annoying and we get flashes of her past that aren't useful for anything, really. Neither is she. She's used as a plot advancement because he shows her the drawing he's made from his explorations.

He recruits his employees to go with him and film what's there. They go. Stuff happens. There's screaming and things moving in shadows.

The therapist shows up at the store, goes into the basement, and watches a bug go through the wall that has been taped with a doorway. She goes through and does her own wandering around aimlessly.

This is where it really goes off the plot rails. The guy captures the therapist and there's a really wacked out scene in a kitchen. There's three "people" there and I guess one of them is the ex-wife. A version of people since they're very much not alive and not right. This is where the body horror comes in.

The guy's internal demon (or something like that) is out and about, kills the guy, and goes after the therapist for some reason. She does her own running about before she's caught because gas canisters all around the room have gone off.

Now to back up and condense the other thing in the plot. There's cameras in the space and there's a very brief shot of someone watching the feed. They show up again watching TV and seeing the furniture store commercial (that was shot by the employees who are no more) the guy realizes the owner is the person he saw in the liminal space.

M'kay. We're caught up.

People in colorful hazmat suits show up to cart the therapist away. She's put into a room and eventually the watching guy shows up. He says they used to make MRI machines but now they're whatever this is. Then she's shown as her own liminal space and not human.

I really dislike that two of the three YouTube movies have used ambiguous endings and they don't have the chops to write them properly. They seem like a cheap way to end things without having to write an ending. A good one will leave you guessing what's happening (Inception) but a bad one makes you feel like you just wasted a couple of hours of your time and attention.

There's no reason to care for any of these characters. There's no explanation or way to try to sort out what this space is. They shove some people into the situation and let them wander around a set that was so large the crew got lost at times. There's those few set pieces and the rest is really just watching them walk/run/scurry/hobble/crawl through rooms that sometimes have weird stuff in them.

I think I know the premise that this space is a memory of a memory. Kind of like a copy of a copy thing. That's great. Now tell us why the heck we should care.

Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Groku - My Take (Spoilers)

 

First the bad news - it helps a lot to watch the TV series before watching this movie. The bad news is that the word "series" is both singular and plural.

Obviously watching "The Mandalorian" is kind of a no-brainer. It's right there in the title. But unfortunately they didn't put everything into that series. They dumped some of it into "The Book of Boba Fett". It's unfortunate because that series isn't very good, in my opinion.

"The Mandalorian" season two ends with Luke Skywalker coming to take Groku for his training. Let me expand on that. A digitally de-aged Luke Skywalker - both visually and vocally. Season three starts up with Groku back with the Mandalorian. Err?

The answer to that riddle is in "The Book of Boba Fett". The dedicated one episode and part of another to just Mandalorian stuff. Short version is that Mado misses Groku, wants to visit him, and has a chain mail shirt made for him (out of the beskar steel spear he acquired in season two). Aww. The cloth it's tied into looks like Groku's head. He goes to the planet where he's being taught, gets talked out of visiting Groku, and leaves the shirt for him.

TBoBF also introduces the villains - a pair of twin Hutts who are cousins to the late, unlamented Jabba the Hutt.

Luke makes Groku choose between Yoda's lightsaber and Mando's chain mail shirt. The general fan consensus is that this is a dick move on Luke's part, given the relative time they've spent together and Groku's age. The episode ends with that, the next one has Groku arriving in a bot flown ship to Tattooine and Mando, wearing the shirt. Turns out Groku failed the jedi "No attachments" rule.

And that's how they get back together. Not a love story for the ages and they try to do the tear jerker thing but it doesn't hit. Season three is somewhat relevant because it shows Mando taking Groku on as an apprentice and formally adopting him, as much as it seems formal adoptions are done. Groku is now officially a Mandalorian apprentice. He's even got his own little beskar steel rondel he wears as a breastplate with the clan symbol Mando wears.

Movie time.

The brief review is that it's stuntmen in the armor unless Pedro is showing his face. They're fighting and interacting with mostly CGI characters against CGI backgrounds. 

Anyhoo. On to the movie in a bit more detail.

Mando is now exclusively hunting down Imperial war criminals. He's hunting at the start of the movie. Many Stormtroopers meet their untimely/timely demise. Three AT-ATs are sent over the edge of a mountain while Mando and Groku run after his quarry on a kind of mechanical ostrich. Those things are seriously impractial with their high center of gravity and the ability to be taken out by damaging a single foot. But I digress.

This time the quarry is I guess brought in "cold", but they never show Mando going with the spatula to get proof of the job being done. Maybe they did it off screen but also the New Republic colonel who hired knew it was done messy but also didn't ask for any specific proof. Again maybe something handled off camera? Then again I don't remember him not bringing in his bounty "warm" in the series. Dunno.

She wants him to do another job. The combination of the two will get him a new ship - his beloved Razor Crest. He only gets the ship if he does the second job. He already refused payment on the first one, calling it a gift. Bad mercenary. Bad. The second job involves finding and returning the nephew of the Hutt twins. See that link to TBoBF? In return the Hutts will give information about the location of a known Imperial war criminal who has lots of information but has very little identifiable information to follow.

He takes the job. He meets the Hutts. They have an older picture of the nephew and it's an adorable baby Hutt hologram. Mando tracks him down as a really buffed pit fighter who's got one more fight before he's worked off his contract. He's also very aware that his cousins are looking for him because they need him very much out of the way to cement their place. This Hutt speaks perfect English (basic?) and just wants to make his own way in the world without having the specter of his father over his head.

Mando tries to buy out his contract and finds out that the fight is one where the kid is gonna die. Not might. Gonna. It's a type of fight where they keep sending opponents out until he's dead. Mando tells him this and while they're trying to break him out they're all gassed, Mando ends up in a cell, Groku ends up a bird cage.

I'm detailing a lot because this is where things are still kind of interesting.

Mando is tossed into the arena as the first opponent. The promoter had offered Mando a job as a pit fighter because he'd be a big draw, Mando declined impolitely. But hey. he's here now. Mando tells Hutt what kind of fight it is and the two of them work together to fight off all the creatures. Woo. They all escape and there's an honest to goodness speeder chase in the city.

Turns out Hutt knows what Mando needs and that the promoter is the Imperial war criminal. Now that he doesn't need the information from the Hutt twins he works with this Hutt to capture the guy. He brings the guy to the colonel, who then expositions that they had a deal with the Hutt twins and now Mando is in the crosshairs for skipping that step. Seems like it doesn't matter that the end result is standing there in cuffs. Seems like they're not willing to do a darn thing to help Mando after he got the results more quickly. Feels a bit .. how the Empire would do things.

Mando takes him back to his little farm he was given on Nevarro (assuming, not given any real reference for that one) and gets him a lift with a gunrunner he knows so Hutt can do his best to live his life and avoid his cousins.

Mado is captured by a bounty hunter (heh). Groku follows them in a ship with the little mechanics from season three. The twins have captured the nephew and are torturing him. They blame that on Mando, saying that they'd have given him a quick death if he'd done his part. Then they dump Mando into a pit pool filled with nasty creatures.

But first! They take his helmet from him! After all the crap he went through to atone for taking off his helmet they did worse and they knew it. I guess there's a loophole that it doesn't count if everyone who saw him is dead.

Nasty monsters. Fight scenes. Pedro's actually present in the movie. Groku and the little mechanics rescue Mando. But wait! Mando was bitten by the big monster and is now poisoned! Oh no!

He sends Groku off with the little mechanics and says he'll be right behind them. That's because the Hutts sent out a lot of their forces out to get him back. Mando goes off fighting until the poison drops him. At which point Groku pops up and tends to Mando, including healing the physical wound with the Force. Hence the "the old take care of the young, then the young take care of the old" stuff. Groku meets up with a CGI Cajun swamp dweller who can make an herbal poison remedy but - gasp - it may be too late.

Now I'll put in a bit that's meant to make people, mostly kids, laugh. Groku makes a mud hut for Mando and then uses the Force to push him into it. The helmet goes "boing" when it shows he's longer than the hut. Groku tries a few more times (boing boing boing) before covering his legs with ferns like he'd done earlier. Ha ha. Helmet go boing.

They use the battered gun runner's ship to storm the castle. Lots and lots and lots of mostly robot creatures fighting. Two big Warhammer 40,000 type terminators (if made by the Dark Mechanicum on a budget) guard the door. Groku gets inside and is playing with the wiring of one, making it random and damaging the other terminator. When they're both down he pops up and that's how Mando finds out he's still around.

They get in the throne room, more fighting. The bounty hunter that captured him gets a singlular fight. The nephew Hutt fights the twin Hutts. All three of the Hutts break through the grate into the pit pond. Groku uses the Force to lift nephew Hutt out of the pit pond. Yay.

A convenient save by New Republic ships, led by the colonel and including some of the characters from the series, takes out the entire compound. Mando, nephew Hutt, and Groku all survive. They go back to base, Mando and Groku take off, nephew Hutt decides to hang around and try to help the New Republic.

Honestly this thing couldn't have been tied up with a bigger bow.

On to the critique that I haven't already done.

One big issues is that there's no stakes here. We all know Mando and Groku are going to survive. We all know nephew Hutt will survive. All the good guy characters are walking merchandise opportunities. The only ones who die are the bad guys. The bounty hunter's dog-thing had taken one of the little mechanics and was playing with eating it but didn't. Groku gentled the thing with the Force when it was coming for him.

Something more subtle was that most of who got killed were faceless or Badtm. Storm troopers in armor. Robots. Fighting/non-sentient creatures. The Big Bad Guys (even then it's not quite confirmed that it's final). This was very kid-coded in that respect.

Knowing that Mando was mostly stunt performers and listed right after Pedro in the credits doesn't take away the sour taste in my mouth. Yes. I know. Darth Vader was acted by one performer and voiced by another so it's not new. It's just that giving him top billing when he's doing 99% voice work feels off. I've felt that way through the series too.

Groku is still cute and non-verbal. This time he's more proficient in things and him jumping around like Yoda was explicitly shown as part of his training by Luke. He's stronger in the Force too. They keep up the bit of him constantly eating, which still amuses me.

One big thing of note is that this movie excludes the female characters from both series. The only one is the colonel and even that role is minor. The series built up several good female characters but nope, they aren't given any consideration here. This has been very much noticed out in the wild.

A flat movie. Mostly CGI. No stakes. I'm not sorry I watched it but I have no plans to watch it again nor will it be on my movie server, taking up precious hard drive space.

Monday, May 18, 2026

In The Grey - My Take (Spoilers)

 

I went into this expecting some pleasant action and eye candy. What I got was a movie that was surprisingly smart, slightly snarky, twisty, and tightly told. And entertaining. It was refreshing after the series of duds I've had lately.

I had my doubts when I saw it was a Guy Ritchie movie but I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt and two hours of my time. I'm glad I did. It has an "Ocean's Eleven" pacing at the start, right down to the on screen captions as they describe what they've done for planning. Steal from what works, right?

The woman is a lawyer who specializes in recovering large unrecoverable debts for an equity-type company. She uses not-quite-legal tactics when all other avenues have been exhausted. She's got Henry and Jake as her team (I'm not going to bother with character names), who then do all the wet work. She handles the courtroom and such.

Where does the money come from to set all this up? A very large up front payment from the equity-type company in return for her taking the job. The woman who is hiring her is slimy, as expected from an equity-type executive working her way up the building to higher ranking jobs. Needless to say the two women don't like each other.

Henry does intelligence, Jake does hands-on. The two of them have built up a strong partnership and are completely devoted to the woman lawyer. It's revealed later she got them out of a Chinese prison and they've worked for her ever since.

Between the two of them they set it up so the woman lawyer can go to the evil billionaires island to get the money, and get out. Unlike the last person who tried. They set up three different extraction scenarios and have their own team to do all the work. Of course the evil billionaire controls the island, the police, etc. plus his own private security wet work team.

As the billionaire refuses to pay, she goes after him in court and gradually starts impounding and otherwise getting injunctions against his businesses. She goes after his toys first - the private jet and yacht. Both needed to get on and off the island and meant to piss him off. It works. There's also a scene after the initial meeting where he sends a lot of goons out to kill her but they all get mowed down by her guys/team.

One interesting part here is that it's left ambiguous as to whether or not Henry and Jake are a couple. They dip into it but not enough to say for certain. They may just have worked together long enough that they have that kind of banter. I liked how they left that .. in the grey.

There's an escalation of meetings and court stuff until the evil billionaire gives in and agrees in exchange for her returning all his stuff. She agrees. They part ways. She lets the woman at the equity-type firm know the deal is done and to give him back his stuff.

Smash cut to three months(?) later and the woman lawyer is now in the desert somewhere. Exposition wise she's on the phone trying to get her payment. Both of her companions end up dead and the evil billionaire's head of security bundles her into the SUV. Before they do that she activates the tracker in her watch that she's still wearing.

This was an unexpected twist. The job was done. Normally the movie ends here. But nope. Now there's the issue of the woman lawyer at the equity-type company screwing both of them over. The evil billionaire plans on using the woman lawyer as leverage, only for her to say she also didn't get paid so she's useless for that reason. He leaves her in prison, not happy with not having her for leverage.

Now it's a prison breakout. Henry and Jake scouted the prison for the original job. All the unused equipment is still scattered around the island. They use the plans from earlier in the movie to make it happen. The bad guys are a teeny bit smart in this movie but still rely on cannon fodder for the big shootouts.

Henry and Jake don't accompany the woman when she leaves the island. They kidnap the evil billionaire, put him in a shipping container, and send him to the US.

Henry and Jake try to explain to the woman at the equity-type firm that it's in her best interests to keep her end of the bargain. Then the woman lawyer comes in and drops the big bomb of the evil billionaire turning state's evidence against the equity-type firm for making knowingly illegal loans, specifically her making them. And how the woman lawyer has talked to the bosses on those higher floors about it. She leaves and the phone rings for the woman at the equity-type firm, implying she's going to get called onto the carpet.

Anyway.

The action was tight and mostly believable until the big explosions started. Henry and Jake work well together and they played it convincingly on the screen. Their absolute devotion, and their team's absolute devotion, to the woman lawyer is a weak spot in the story but it's a small weak spot. There's good banter between Henry and Jake, and I'm a sucker for good banter. They're pretty to look at as well.

As I said I was pleasantly surprised by how much I like this movie. I will probably watch it again at home at some point when I need some mindless entertainment, and eye candy.

Obsession - My Take (Spoilers)

 

CW: Pet death, self harm

I'm going to say I'm not the right audience for this film. It's really geared towards the same audience as "Iron Lung".

As I did not like "Iron Lung", I didn't like this movie either.

The premise is a fairly standard one and it's either an official or unofficial tagline: "Be Careful What You Wish For". There's nothing wrong with the premise. It's a good premise. But if you know the premise you know the entirety of the story.

This one has the more common variant of wishing for someone to love them. This is never a good idea. Anyone who has read/watched these knows it's a bad idea and why. This follows in that track. Imposing your wish on someone else leads to them being, shall we say, conflicted.

I will say that this movie does a decent job of hauling the story through beginning to end. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

This movie concerns a group of four friends: two guys and two girls. Because I don't care enough to look up and continue to try to remember their names I'll be using placeholers.

Guy 1 likes Girl 2 and is too hesitant to tell her. He's concerned that he'll lose the friendship that they've built over the years. Guy 2 is helping/pushing him to do it, except not at their weekly bar trivia night because he likes that night and doesn't want it to get weird. Great friend, I know.

Guy 1 goes home and finds his cat dead. The poor thing got into his meds somehow and that was that. He picks up the scattered pills and puts them back in the bottle, back in the medicine cabinet. *cough cough Chekov's Gun cough* He then puts the cat in a garbage bag and scrubs the floor where it was. Lovely.

Talking to Girl 1 on the phone she tells him she dropped her crystal necklace down the drain. They're casually chatting, as friends do. He goes to the local metaphysical shop (because I honestly do think every city has at least one of them - we do) and the uninterested clerk points him to a display of crystal necklaces. While he's trying to figure out one to buy he sees a display of "One Willow Wish" for $6.99. Abandoning the crystal necklace idea he buys one.

He doesn't want to go to trivia night but also won't tell his close friend group "Hey, my cat died today and I don't feel like going out for trivia" so he goes. He tries to tell Girl 1 what he's feeling and Guy 2 confession-blocks him. Guy 2 is a bit of a dick. Girl 2 is background at this point.

Guy 1 drives Girl 1 home. He's on edge and forgets to give her the wish that he was going to do. Instead of doing that he reads the box while she's walking from the car to her house. Break to get your wish, one wish per person. He makes the fateful wish for her to love him more than anyone else in the world. Oo. Mistake.

Now we get into her working through the mental changes as the wish settles in. She's swinging between herself and what he wants. Or at least what he said. They end up at his place for a platonic night. He gets up and looks at not-Reddit to find out if the wish thing is true. He gets mixed answers. It's not-Reddit. That happens.

M'kay. I'll tighten this up. She gets more and more obsessed with him and he realizes that obsession is, quite frankly, terrifying. She harms herself a few times as she tries to get him to say that he loves her as much as she loves him, being jealous, etc. The other friends are concerned.

One scene that stands out is when he goes into work and she doesn't. She stands, staring at the door with a rather creepy smile, and it's quite obvious that she pees herself while she simply stands. When Guy 1 gets home he finds her there and she's vomited on herself for some reason. He keeps looking down, saying he'll clean up the mess, and as he takes her to the bathroom to clean up they show that she's voided from all three holes as she stood there.

Oh. And she does things with the dead cat. Because obsession.

Guy 1 calls the number on the box to find out if he can change his wish. Nope. The only way to break the wish is for him to die because the wish centers on him. He tucks that one away.

Girl 2 gets him out of the house in the middle of the night to talk to him. She tells him that Guy 2 and Girl 1 have been hooking up occasionally for the last couple of years, while Guy 2 knew Guy 1 was infatuated with her. Then Girl 2 talks around that she's more suited to him. She really is, to be fair.

Girl 1 has followed him and the predictable happens after he leaves the car.

Guy 1 goes back to the store and buys another wish, after a brief moment of not finding them where he expected. He gets one and recognizes the voice from the phone to the new clerk he's talking to. He tries to use the wish but it won't break. It really is one to a customer. He goes to Guy 2 and begs him to make a wish that Guy 1 had never made his wish. Guy 2 shows who he is by wishing for a billion dollars and money starts raining from the ceiling.

Finale! Guy 1 goes home and finds Girl 1 has done .. things to Girl 2. Guy 2 shows up in excitement about his wish and catches a bullet in the forehead for being there. Guy 1 gets away to the bathroom and tries to screw up his courage to use said gun on himself. He can't but eventually does slam down the whole bottle of pills that killed his cat. *cough cough Chekov's Gun cough*

As he's sitting there his face smooths out and he eagerly goes back to Girl 1. She's found the second wish he bought and used it, obviously to make him love her as much as she loves him (her common wailing refrain). Alas, the pills take hold. Because he's dead she's free to remember everything she did while she was under the influence of his wish. Fade to black.

Her using the wish on him was a nice touch. I'll say that.

The acting carries this movie and they do a pretty good job of it. It's not as transcendent as the reviews are trying to say. The actress for Girl 1 does carry the crazy well but she's not a "Scream Queen" as she's being dubbed. It's one movie. The characters all project what they're supposed to project.

As I said earlier, once you know the story you know how it will unfold. The ending can vary and I think they chose a good one for the pace of the movie. It does build nicely and doesn't focus too much on gross things. Too much. But honestly it's not as good as the critics want it to be. But people for whom it's targeted seem to like it.

I have a feeling there's going to be more of these two kinds of YouTube movies in the near future. The two that are out have done oddly well. So we'll see more until the format crashes.

The Sheep Detectives - My Take (Spoilers)

 

I saw this as a Screen Unseen, which was on a Sunday afternoon instead of the normal Monday Evening. Given that, the rating, and the (estimated) run time it was pretty obvious that this was going to be the movie.

First and foremost - I do not like Agatha Christie books. I just don't. There's a reason why I stated this.

The movie is very much Agatha Christie coded. That's fine since the premise is that the shepherd reads the sheep books very much in the Agatha Christie style. Given that it should be pretty obvious that I wouldn't like the movie. And I didn't like the movie.

There's lots of CGI sheep with some celebrity voice actors, who aren't really noticeable as to who they are. To me that's a slap in the face for voice actors but hey, what do I know? Except that this movie spent a lot of money on celebrities when they got no real return from them.

The bungling police officer was flat out annoying. Seriously. They swung the pendulum way too far to make him ineffective. I can suspend disbelief but this was a bridge too far. An inexperienced police officer in a small village isn't going to be doing a murder investigation without experienced help. Maybe that's just me but if I were part of that village I'd be screaming for them to get a real detective in there.

As with all Agatha Christie stories there's the cast of potential murders, etc. In this case there's also CGI sheep who are working to solve the crime. They end up dropping clues in front of the police officer's face to move the story along.

There's also a substory about discrimination but that's kind of a distraction. There's no value in it nor does it have a darn thing to do with the story itself.

Anyway. Everyone's potential motives and secrets are revealed, the police officer stumbles along the path the sheep provide, the murder is exposed after the steps they took to disguise themselves. Yippee.

It's not a bad movie. It's just not a good one for me. I didn't like much of anything about it, to be honest.

Thursday, April 30, 2026

The Devil Wears Prada 2 - My Take (Spoilers)

 

Yes. I saw this the day before it officially opens because almost all movies with a Friday release date are in theaters the day before. I don't know why.

This sequel should have remained "in the works" because what they made isn't good.

The wit is as sharp as a butter knife, the movie is about 30 minutes too long, the original characters are now bargain basement caricatures of themselves, and there's thinly disguised characters who are supposed to be the Bezos. Very thinly disguised.

Andy (Anne Hathaway in one of the five movies she's in this year) is even more fumbling and clueless than she was twenty years ago. They work so hard to make her the heart of the movie that it overshoots into cringe territory.

Miranda (Meryl Streep) tries to be as acerbic as the first time around but seems more tired. They give her some character development and juicy lines but it's nothing new.

Nigel (Stanley Tucci) is the standout of this one, probably again. He's the heads-down, don't make waves same as he was before but has more of a resigned feeling, as he should after twenty years doing the same thing.

Emily (Emily Blunt) is kind of sidelined here and tries to recapture the bickering from the first one. As with the rest she didn't hit the mark.

This time around the problem is that the magazine has been trying to move into the digital era and is suffering because no one has an attention span anymore. Then the stakes rise when the owner passes away and his son wants to take things into a fresh, even more digital era. The film makes it very obvious that Miranda is old-school and, well, old so therefore her ways are bad.

Andy teams up with Emily to save the magazine from being sold, only to be double crossed because Emily's not-Bezo boyfriend is going to buy it in a secret deal so Emily can be the editor in chief. Miranda figured it all out, Andy is stunned by the obvious betrayal. One nice bit of writing has Miranda talking at Andy about betrayal and it's not actually directed at her. It was Miranda telling her she knew who was going to take the hit and who was going to do it.

Andy is back because she lost her job and was hired to be the features editor. She dug the magazine out of a scandal and then continues to desperately seek Miranda's approval. This sets up more of the same from the first movie - bitchy and/or overlooked assistants, fashion snobbery, elitism, etc. only this time it's kinda tired. It's also the cliche of the writer/editor wanting to put real journalism into a fashion magazine.

She even goes so far as to snag a coveted interview with not-Bezo's first wife, who Miranda considers the golden ring. Not-Bezo's first wife gives the interview, saying that she's going to give all the money away, etc. This does not get Andy the approval she seeks either.

Anyway.

Miranda kind of gave up when things took the hard spin but the situation with the magazine being pulled out from under her gives her a second wind. She gives Andy a list of phone numbers to call to do .. something. Andy pulls it off but they have to leave right before Miranda gives the keynote speech at their new Milan venue. Miranda has Nigel do it, realizing that he'd been wanting to advance for a long time.

Not-Bezo and Emily are lunching with the owner's son, touching on the final details of the sale. The son gets a phone call, talks financial stuff, then says the entire media branch has been sold so the magazine has been sold too.

Andy and Miranda drive and fly off, ending with a helicopter landing .. on the lawn of not-Bezo's first wife's house. She bought the media branch, ensuring that Miranda (and Andy) get to stay at their beloved magazine.

As in the first one there's a big montage of fashion designers and models, along with the magazine's fashion show. Pink gets a cameo here because they need to find music for the show and Miranda uses Nigel to kind of strong arm her into performing. She gets a full song out during the fashion show.

Oh. Forgot a major plot hole. When Andy is jumping through hoops to get that interview she gets the no-Bezo's first wife's phone number. Then when Miranda tell her to contact her again (not saying who's she's contacting on screen tho) Andy has to jump through hoops. I'd think she'd have saved that very valuable contact she made the first time and it would have been a single call. Realistic but not interesting to watch.

That's really it. There's nothing that stands out for this and it takes the shine off the original movie's impact. They push too hard on how things have changed (Miranda has a dedicated HR person to tell her when she's being politically incorrect) and not at all on how characters have changed over two decades.

Tuesday, April 28, 2026

Busboys - My Take (Spoilers)

 

I like David Spade, when he stays in his lane. So seeing a movie where the summary describes him as "an idiot" seems like it would fit that situation.

In short. David Spade and Theo Von were pretty good in a very bad script they wrote themselves.

Edit - After looking on IMDb I found out Theo Von has a comedy podcast. Now the rest of this makes more sense because it's another attempt at a social media personality trying to break into movies. Notice the word "trying".

The premise is that they're two perpetual underdogs who think being a waiter is the pinnacle of a career. They take jobs as busboys to work their way up to be waiters. The age difference is played out as being friends for close to two decades. Then it gets into the "trying too hard" aspect of the movie.

The second plot of them trying to do a drug deal to get money is where it gets, quite frankly, stupid. The attempts at satire regarding all the various alphabet government agencies and then how the DEA handles investigating things is terrible. The actual drug cartel/gang is terrible. They bypassed satire and moved directly into cringe.

Example - one of the alphabets that show up are a pair of well-proportioned women in bikinis with DTF hats and jackets. It was slightly amusing when they showed up for the second time and when asked why they were there they said they were in the group chat.

David and Theo really leaned into their roles and they work well together. The crew of misfits in the restaurant work well together, for the most part. It's just a terrible script that kept things from being a goofy romp.

The restaurant manager was way too close to a Chris Farley character for my liking. The role would have suited him and the actor bears a close resemblance. That made it seem like a cheap grab for the "Tommy Boy" vibe, for those who remember the way those two worked well in that movie.

I'm disappointed to see the potential they had wasted so badly.

Mother Mary - My Take (Spoilers)

 

I'm trying to remember why I wanted to see this movie and it's kind of a blank. I saw the trailer and it kinda looked interesting? I had movies left to see that week and wanted something new? The costumes in the trailer looked cool?

Anyway. I saw it.

It wasn't interesting. It was something I hadn't seen. The costumes were cool-ish. Notice I didn't say anything about the plot because I honestly have no idea what this movie was supposed to tell. I'm not being figurative here. I'm being literal.

Most of the movie is the two women yapping at each other in hostile passive aggressive stuff, weird metaphorical stuff, whiny stuff, and oddly paranormal stuff. There's flashbacks to what seems to be the events each of them experienced sharing their pain for each other? There's a metaphor in that pain being made into something beautiful?

There's a lot of Anne Hathaway in very small couture costumes. Couture in this case means the stuff on the runway that makes very little fashion sense. She sings. Her signature stage costume persona (Mother Mary) is a halo of some kind.

From what I can pick out of this the two of them were friends, maybe lovers, when MM's singing career started and the other woman was her costumer. She made the first halo, in an interesting punk style of long nails out of heavy leather. The two of them had a falling out, possibly when MM started looking at other designers for her costumes.

She's back begging for a costume from the woman, who now has a successful fashion line, because nothing anyone else does feels like it expresses who she is. I think that's the reason. Anyway. This is when the yapping happens.

The paranormal is in the form of some kind of red ghost that looks like fabric floating. It left the designer woman and went to the singer, where it currently resides. They reconcile when the designer sets a chalk circle and they have some kind of ritual to let the red ghost out of the singer. There's the mandatory lesbian sex metaphor in there as well.

The designer makes a dress out of the red ghost made material as - heh heh - red material. It's another lesbian metaphor and oddly enough the singer doesn't wear it. She goes with a concept the designer had at the beginning of entering from the lobby and tearing off her costume as she goes to the stage to show her true self.

Maybe I did get some meaning out of the thing at all but honestly it was a mess. Too much metaphor, not enough substance to hold it up.

Hokum - My Take (Spoilers)

 

This was a Scream Unseen and one I was interested in as well. I consider those a double header since I get a surprise movie and one I wanted to see for one price.

This will be a short review. This is not a good sign for how much I enjoy a movie.

We've got the moody writer. We've got the dead parents. We've got the moody writer going to Ireland to scatter their ashes. We've got his feelings towards his parents shown, quite well, by how he carefully places his mother's ashes by a tree in a picture from their honeymoon and then throwing his father's ashes off into the woods.

The moody, nihilistic writer is an absolute ass to everyone in the hotel he's staying at - the same one his parents honeymooned at. There's an attempt at foreshadowing that falls flat because the Irish accent is too thick to easily understand and the story is broken up into segments so you lose track.

There's the convenient honeymoon suite that's forever locked.

So we get a movie full of jump scares and not much else. There's no actual reason for the things that happen. The writer gets a redemption arc he doesn't deserve.

The one smart thing that happened in this movie is that the writer was desperate enough to try making a chalk circle, after initially dismissing it as superstition. He gets the chalk in a believable way too.

I was hoping that this would be a horror movie set with Irish folklore, which would be a pleasant change from the generic stuff and the American focused stuff. Instead we get shown a book cover twice about Irish folklore and a generic horror movie.

The ending makes no sense. Quite literally there's nothing that gives you any idea why things happen in the finale. Maybe that story that I didn't understand at the beginning helped? I don't know.

Anyway. If you like jump scares then this is the movie for you.

Over Your Dead Body - My Take (Spoilers)

 

I'd wanted to see this one since I saw the trailers. It looked .. interesting enough to amuse me. Most of the time that's all I want from a movie.

The trailer showed a married couple who go away to a lakefront cabin, with the intention of killing each other. It doesn't say why. It kind of shows how. It does what a trailer should - it catches your interest. So I went in expecting that sort of thing.

What I got was a movie that starts with what's in the trailer, but more. There's non-linear storytelling but they do it right by keeping it short. By showing different viewpoints things start to gain a wider perspective.

The reason they're trying to kill each other is for insurance money. The husband quit his job to make a go of his film career, after a minor success directing a movie. He's now doing low-budget commercials with low-budget paychecks. She's a struggling actress, at his instigation, and is resentful he didn't cast her in the one movie he made. They're broke and neither one likes it.

At this point things that were happening in the beginning of the movie make more sense because they were each establishing their alibi.

They're making their moves at the cabin and find out what the other one is doing. When they're doing the classic "run through the house trying to get at each other" some people fall through the ceiling on them.

These are escaped convicts. The same ones that were on the news in the background while they were being nice to each other before trying to kill each other. OK then.

Without detailing it all there's now a situation where the married couple have to work together so they both stay alive. Of course they start off with offering the killers part of the insurance money if they kill the other spouse. Then it devolves into them trying to get away.

The escaped convicts have the female prison guard along. One of the killers is Timothy Oliphant so yeah, they play up how he seduced her for the sole reason of helping them escape. Then he has to keep pretending so she doesn't do anything to get them captured again.

I can't quite remember when it winds in but the husband has a scene with his father who owns the lakefront cabin and is in assisted care. He's a feisty old guy.

The movie leans heavy into gore. It works because the whole movie goes over-the-top so the over-the-top gore matches. It's oddly not very bloody, just gory. If that makes sense. Anyway.

The death toll is:

  • Both escaped convicts
  • The prison guard who helped them escape
  • The feisty father

The couple then capitalizes on their experience. Talk shows and then a movie version, where the wife stars and he directs. The whole experience brought them together as a couple too. In a way it's a weirdly twisted love story. With lots of gore.

It was more entertaining than I expected, which is a pleasant surprise. It took me looking up the movie on IMDb to figure out that the husband is the actor who played Marshall in "How I Met Your Mother". I knew he was familiar but couldn't place him. The wife is the same actress in the "Ready or Not" movies so the poor woman is still getting blood splattered. Go figure.

Friday, April 10, 2026

Faces of Death (2026) - My Take (Spoilers)

 

This was yet another Scream Unseen so it's not something I had any intention of wasting one of my movie slots on, even if I had ones left over. I only knew it existed because there was a trailer for it at the previous Scream Unseen.

The concept here is that someone is taking scenes from the actual, original "Faces of Death" released in 1978 (thank you Wikipedia), recreating them, and posting them on social media. Since the movie had various and sundry "scenes" they translate well to the short video format used on YouTube, TikTok, etc.

The original movie was mostly fake with real footage from other sources, sometimes recreated for effect (thank you Wikipedia). I was of an age when I remember when this came out and yeah, it was a rite of passage in some respects. Mostly it was people going "ew" and watching other things. It wasn't nearly as pervasive as some try to make it. Of course it had its fan base but what gross movie doesn't?

The main character is a woman who's job is to review reported content on a social media site. It's obviously meant to be TikTok but that's to be expected. It shows her going through various and sundry videos, approving or denying based on content. Per policy she lets the gross and violent stuff through but has to remove the ones dealing with sex education. No heavy handed writing there. Nope.

They show her taking blue pills she keeps in a baggie in her pocket. It turns out she's got anxiety because her sister was killed while the two of them were filming what they wanted to be a viral video. They were on train tracks and trying to film themselves in front of the train until the very last minute. She got away, her sister slipped on the gravel and was under the train when it passed. The main character is recognized by people as Train Girl.

I let that one go. She's not in any way distinctive physically so there's no reason why people would continue to recognize her because of the short attention span these videos have. Unless maybe she's living in the same area and people know here that way? Didn't seem like it but I can assume.

When she sees a second one of the videos in the same format she gets concerned and talks to her supervisor/friend about it. She's reminded that it isn't her job to make the call, she needs to follow the rules, and that she's signed an NDA so she can't talk about it outside work. I would think potential murder trumps an NDA but what do I know?

The videos are just fake enough to make you question them. That's done well. There's a consistency in using red tape over the eyes of mannequins used in the shooting and also in the scenery. They show the comments pouring in on the videos as people debate if it's real or not and how much they enjoy the content.

We see the killer early on. He works at for a cellular phone company and uses admin access to dig into how to find an influencer he's obsessed with. She's actually a pretty harmless one as influencers go. Per her own content she just wanted to show makeup tips and then things got popular so now she feels that she needs to keep her followers happy. The killer tracks her down and kidnaps her.

The main character uses her roommates laptop because she's on an internet break. She does this to try to track down the creator of the potential snuff content. Using techniques that don't really exist she makes progress but wants/needs the original uploads to look at metadata. Yes. They use the buzzwords. She coerces her boss/friend out of the office while he's working overtime and uses his computer to copy over all the videos. She's still taking those blue pills and the movie makes a point of her tossing the bag on the desk instead of putting it in her pocket like she's done every other freaking time it's shown.

Long story short(er). She gets fired for the pills and because she can't let this situation go. She buys a laptop so she can do her own research because her roommate told her she was getting too involved and wouldn't let her use his anymore. She continues.

The killer kidnaps someone from a TV news station and his son, who happened to be home at the wrong time. They show the holding cages in the killer's basement with the influencer and the father-son duo. The father gets pulled out and used for the next video being shot. Literally.

I can't remember how the main character figures out who the killer is and where he lives. She tries talking to the police and gets brushed off. The killer sets up a honeytrap and gets the information on the main character so he can use her, killing her roommate in the process. She decides to go in on her own. Predictably she's caught and put into the empty cage. She uses a convenient self defense lipstick knife her roommate had to escape and she's able to get the influencer free to go with her. They break out while the killer hunts them but go out into the fenced back yard that has undeveloped land behind it.

The influencer gets shot (obviously no one in the subdivision cares about the sound of a high power rifle being fired repeatedly) and dragged back. The main character stays back to get evidence and snags the convenient external hard drive labeled FOD. When she runs away she gets away. The hospital finds ketamine in her system from when he knocked her out, the nurse lectures her, and gives her a bottle of Narcan.

The killer has brought the influencer back into the house and puts on his meek and mild clothing and persona when the main character brings the police over to check things out. He was smart enough to make his own 911 call about being stalked and describing the main character. The police believe him, the calm meek guy who said he's being stalked, over the almost hysterical main character saying there's dead bodies and people chained up in his basement. He was even clever enough to turn up the music so it drown out the sound of the still alive influencer moaning in the kitchen.

I'll wrap this up.

The main character goes back to have this out with the killer. On the Uber ride over there she's huffing the Narcan. She gets there, he drugs her again, and she goes with it. When she's in the filming room she pops up and they fight. She stabs him with the lipstick knife she brought in until she can get to other weapons. There's the mandatory "hide from the killer" scene. There's the mandatory extreme horror scene. There's a mandatory wrestle on the floor covered in blood. There's the mandatory bad guy monologue on how he's giving the people what they want. Surprise, she's wearing a button camera and has all of it on the memory card. As he's lying there, bleeding and cursing, she uploads it to social media.

End of movie.

I will say the concepts weren't bad. Using an old discredited horror/slasher/fake documentary as his inspiration the killer uses people's fascination with extreme content to kill people and get accolades. The prevalence of social media in young people's lives fuels this kind of thing, which isn't really wrong. It's more a commentary on that than on the killing itself, even though he uses prominent social media people as his victims.

What was bad was the story wrapping those concepts. Disbelief had to be stretched to the breaking point when it was the race between the killer and the main character, then the battle between the main character and the killer. Putting his confession on social media was a "cherry on top" kind of thing, since that's where he put his crimes.

She had to go back because the hard drive she took was hit with a bullet during her escape. There are ways to recover data, you know. The police can do that. But that wouldn't have worked with the plot.

This is also one of the increasingly popular non-endings that I'm seeing. Yes, the killer is seriously wounded and his confession is made public. But there's no conclusion. Just her sitting there covered in blood, laughing/crying that the upload finished and the comments start. Maybe they wanted to make the statement that the same public that adores you will turn on you in a heartbeat? I don't know.

The lipstick knife also bugs me. It's a pretty nice self-defense weapon. The top is real lipstick. Removed it's about an inch long curved blade. But it's not an attack weapon and wouldn't have caused near the damage they showed in the fight. It's like using a .22 gun for self-defense. It just pisses them off.

Project Hail Mary User Review Annoyances

 

Yes. I chose the annoyed guy meme as my cover image because he pretty much nails my expression when reading far too many user reviews of this movie. I read the reviews mostly to downvote people who bitch about things in the book that aren't in the movie, things in the movie that aren't in the book, and how the book and the movie are different in general.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

Have I made this clear enough yet? Because I can paste a hella lot more of that pair of sentences.

THE BOOK IS NOT THE MOVIE. THE MOVIE IS NOT THE BOOK.

One more for good measure.

Here's something people need to learn:

Adapt: to make suitable to requirements or conditions; adjust or modify fittingly.

The book and the movie are different mediums. The book needs to be ADAPTED to the medium of film. That doesn't mean copy-pasting the text into a screenplay. It would be much easier if that were the case. No. It means taking what's in the book and figuring out what the heck is going to play visually.

If you've read the book, which I do recommend, you'll find there's a crapton of science, a crapton of monologue, and a crapton of buildup to the mission itself. That buildup involves a crapton of people who make brief appearances. None of this is going to translate well into two and half hours of screen time.

I get it. People have opinions. That's why they write reviews. I'm perfectly fine with them writing them. I'm not perfectly fine with their opinions about how the book should have been adapted. None of them are screenwriters. None of them are directors. None of them have the slightest clue about how to adapt a novel to a screenplay. But darn it all if they present themselves as the high arbiters of what should be done.

I don't do that in my reviews. I think this is the only review I've done that even mentions the source material and even then I separated it out from the movie itself. That's because I understand that a book needs to be adapted to a movie.

There's people whining that they "dumbed down the science". If you've read an Andy Weir book you know you're going to be reading a science heavy book. A very science heavy book. It's easy to have your eyes glaze over at times as he goes through the science accurate processes needed to do what needs to be done. Imagine that on the big screen, taking up precious time. Do you really want to watch Grace incrementally increasing the percentage of nitrogen in the taumeba farms by 0.05% until they get to where they need to be? That's going from zero to over 3%. I'll let you do the math on how many iterations that is and how long it would be to show each one. The movie shows that he's doing it and then shows the labels on the breeder farm with percentages and success/fail. That's maybe two minutes of screentime but gets the entire concept across.

Then there's the outcry about the coma resistant gene being removed from the movie. Even Mr. Weir admitted it was a cheap way to deal with the plot progression. But it worked, in the book. There was no reason to put it in the movie because they handled the situation in another, more suitable for a movie way. Same result, different method.

I'm gonna keep going on some of these, let me tell you. Because I'm peeved and I have a blog.

The book has an entirely different time progression. It was years between when Grace was brought onto the project and the launch. Literally years. They had to build the ship and send it up in parts, to be assembled by people on the ISS. They had to do things like build the spin drive, which was not a done deal when it was shown in the book. Plus they didn't add the third side that was a squeegie for the dead astrophage for some reason but hey, seconds matter in a movie.

Grace did do EVA testing in the book. He tested various and sundry pieces of equipment and was versed in how things worked. Stratt had him involved in the project to the point where he was doing paperwork on the remaining things that could be brought onto the ship. It was stated that everyone on the project considered him Stratt's second in command. That's not something that happens in a few months, as the movie implied.

And then there's Rocky. Rocky did have a different "tone" in the book, no pun intended. Rocky was an experienced engineer and had his own wealth of wisdom. He was more somber, more focused, and at many times fed up with the far less somber and focused Grace. Although when science was on the line it was Grace who led the charge. When it was a more abstract problem Rocky was the one who could break it down, as engineers tend to do. They didn't take that all away from him but they certainly made him a less somber personality.

The ending difference really set some people off. Like, they got legitimately angry about the changes. They didn't see why those changes had to happen. They honestly did. In the book Rocky's planet has a much much higher gravity than Earth, and Grace suffers from living in it. He's arthritic, he's never really recovered from the nutrition deficiencies on the trip to Erid, and he's older. You simply can't do that with an attractive charismatic actor. It would be stupid. Instead they give Grace a home.

I will touch once and only once on the "meburger". No one in their right mind would have put cannibalism in this movie. Grace even says that's what it is but he's justified it as not really cannibalism because he's eating himself. If you haven't read the book, which I do recommend, his protein source is his own cloned muscle tissue, the process which the Eridians learned from the laptop and data he gave them. That bit of morbid humor stays in the book.

Another part of the ending that changed was the fate of Earth. In the book Rocky tells him that their scientists see that the sun is brighter. That's how Grace knows his message got back safely. It's a good line and says all that the scientist needs to hear. The movie, a more visual format, has the Earth team with the sample and his recordings. It closes the loop between him and Stratt. There's no closure like that in the book.

I will note something that I read online when people were debating the ending changes. By the time Grace finds out about the sun it's been at least twelve and probably a lot more years since it happened. We're never really told, or I don't remember, how long the trip from Tau Ceti to Erid took. Let's say twenty years. If Grace did decide to go back he would have been twenty years older, suffering from the gravity and nutritional effects, have to risk the coma again when he's less healthy, and there's a good chance everyone he knew would be dead. Staying on Erid isn't that difficult of a decision when those things are factored in. The movie has less time passing on Erid but still would send him home to an unknown world where he's generations behind whatever happened. His world is gone even if the planet survived.

Those are the bigger things that keep coming up in the user reviews, and that little one tossed in at the end that I like to think about. It's OK to like both the book and the movie for what they are. It's OK to like one but not the other. It's not OK to compare them and get whiny that they're different.

2026 is the year of "Project Hail Mary". People are going to be talking about it for a while because I don't see anything coming out this year that has the broad appeal of this one and has a good book behind it. It will be bouncing in and out of theaters during the year as well so people can go see it again on the big screen.

One last peeve then I'll stop.

There's an audiobook for this that people love. The first potential voice for Rocky in the movie is the voice actor from the audiobook, which I find amusing. But for the love of all that's holy do not tell people that they have to listen to it rather than read the book. Seriously. People are telling others to not read the book, listen to the audiobook. Not everyone wants to listen to books, you know. Some of them, including me, prefer the written word so we can put our own voices to the text. Recommend it all you like, but don't say one is better than the other. They can both be good, in their own ways.

One last last peeve and then I'll stop.

Because of the name there's a significant number of people who thought this was a religious movie or one that had religious overtones. It doesn't. The title doesn't refer to religion - it refers to an American football play. As soon as I see someone referencing Bible verses in their writeup I lose all respect for them and assume they don't know their ass from their elbow.

Sunday, April 5, 2026

Hunting Matthew Nichols - My Take (Spoilers)

 

This was yet another Scream Unseen. There's been quite a few of them in a row. I can see why they've been doing this because the movies, quite frankly, need all the help they can get.

"Hunting Matthew Nichols" is a combination pseudo documentary, found footage, and cult movie. That means a lot of people speaking for the camera with title cards as to who they are, shaky camera work, and pure laziness.

Side note. I'm sick and tired of writers falling back on the satanic cult thing to wrap up a storyline. It's flat out lazy and the market has been flooded for a while. It feels like they can't quite figure out how to tie it all together so they slap a cult situation in and call it good. No. It is not good.

The premise here is that Tara is still looking for answers as to why her brother disappeared twenty three years earlier. Her brother's friend also disappeared with him but she really doesn't care about him. She's back in her remote hometown with a director and camera person. She also makes a big point of the fact that she's worn the necklace her brother gave her all those years. It's silver with a kind of viking/celtic design.

While she's there she interviews her own family, the family of the other kid, and the police investigator. These are mixed in with her going through the evidence box the police finally coughed up. Why that took twenty three years and a court order isn't really discussed. In the box is a bone totem along with video tapes, etc.

Oh. The movie also notes that the area has an unusually high number of unsolved missing persons cases.

What we get is Tara overacting about everything. The police investigator also gets her own overacted monologue. The other kid's father gets exposition but he keeps it lower key. We get a lot of talk talk talk. It's how we find out about a local legend where there's some sort of old settlement with a creepy guy who showed up once in a while then they all went missing.

The father of the other kid hands over an old journal that the boys supposedly found in the local history museum and seem to have taken because when Tara saw the footage of them finding it she went there and didn't find it. It has a pictorial version of that legend along with other stuff. Including, big surprise, what seems to be an incantation and ritual.

The found footage comes from tapes they find in the evidence box. Unusually we don't get to see much of it. We see the reactions to people watching it. Tara figures out the tape that was in the video camera found in a weird abandoned cabin the police decided was the last known location of the kids isn't in evidence. She has to get another court order for that.

The police investigator gets her monologue when Tara confronts her about the missing evidence. That's when the investigator says it was withheld for the public good and that she can't take Tara to the cabin (or give directions) because the city tore it down.

Tara does get the last tape and this is the most we see of the found footage. It's the standard horror stuff with scared people, voices off camera, and horror violence. Yeah. Given that Tara is adamant that they go to the site of the cabin.

The camera person quite wisely decides to nope out. The director has a brief internal struggle but does go. Off the two of them go into the woods with a map, some supplies, and hopefully an end to this rather drab and boring movie.

They get to the site. It's completely clear, as if there had never been a cabin. Being the careful people they are they set up their little pop tents in the clearing. Sigh.

Tara, being Tara, attempts to perform the ritual she found using her necklace, her blood, the bone totem, and what she found in the journal. It's a bust and they go to bed.

Except maybe not? Because they get woken up to find the cabin, right where it was before. Not that they know it was exact but hey, there's a cabin where there wasn't a cabin. So of course she goes in, in the middle of the night, after performing an unknown ritual. The director has an internal struggle then follows her in.

She's doing another ritual on the cabin floor and says she's in contact with her brother. This is where I kind of frown and wonder if it's a clue, a foreboding, or a mistake. She's using her necklace as the conduit and doing the "right for yes, left for no" form of contact. For every question where she says the answer is yes, the necklace is swinging left for her point of view. It's going to the right for the director (and camera) in front of her.

This is the only potentially interesting thing in the movie, in my opinion. Because it would have been a great way to forebode what's going to happen and how much she's caught up in her own needs. When she asks if she's speaking to her brother, it goes left from her point of view but she says it's proof it is him.

Anyway. Now we're into the cult thing. A door opens in the cabin and she's dragged into the darkness after she asks her brother to show himself. The director wisely beats feet out of there, dropping his camera in almost the exact place the evidence photos showed her brother's camera.

Tara does run out of the cabin saying she was wrong and it wasn't her brother. Duh. The director gets his foot caught in an old bear trap and kinda can't run much now. He blacks out (or something) and wakes up to see Tara standing naked in front of him, facing away and looking at a tree. He looks up to see other nekkid people with shiny eyes and decides that the bear trap ain't going to keep him there. She's got shiny eyes. He runs, leaving the camera. It shows a lot of people coming down from the tree and following him.

Credits roll.

A quick scene has the camera person running in the hospital and the director is in bed with bloody bandages around his face. He sits up and screams.

Now the movie is over.

Yeah. Not a lot I can say about this one. I guess we're supposed to think there's a cult out there that's taking people and they're living in the woods? There's something supernatural living in the deep woods? I dunno.

I do know that having Tara's obsession with finding out what happened to her brother just isn't that interesting. I found no compassion for her because she's a whiny, demanding bitch here. She shows up and disrupts people's lives for no good reason. She lies to the police investigator who told her to turn off the camera, she said she did, and the director is crouched outside the room with the camera on. Yeah, obsession. I get it. It still gets dull.

The whole cult thing also doesn't do anything. It comes out of nowhere. There's absolutely no indication that there's anything going on, except the statement about disappearances. No one in the town seems to know there's anything hinkey in the woods all around them. Plus the guy in the hospital would not have blood soaked bandages. Hospitals frown on that kind of thing when the patient is admitted and under care.

So I'd say skip this one as I say to skip so many of the horror movies being released. I honestly don't know why there's a glut of them now and why they're so bad. Independent filmmakers are not spending their money wisely if this is what they're choosing to make.

Saturday, March 28, 2026

Project Hail Mary - My Take, With Bonus Features! (Spoilers)

 

I waited to review this one and then got caught up with not being at the computer. I'm guessing that anyone reading this has either seen the movie, read a review, or both. So it's not like I'll be saying things other people haven't said. I'm adding a part at the bottom about the book, which I read after seeing the movie - the order I recommend. The movie review will NOT have references to what was in the book.

The Movie

The premise of the movie is that there's something taking energy from the sun and it's going to drop Earth's temperature into the "extinction event" levels. This is bad. Dr. Grace is a middle school science teacher after nuking his higher academic career by both writing a long paper about how water isn't necessary for all life forms and calling out his colleagues by name and with eloquent insults in the paper. Whoopsie. But he's one of those school teachers who's got the charisma to engage his students and an honest enthusiasm for science.

The movie uses the premise of Grace having to remember the past while he's in the present. He wakes up on a spaceship with little to no memory of what happened or even who he is. As he's figuring that out he's also figuring out what he's supposed to be doing. As a bad bonus the other two crew members died in the voyage so it's just him.

To cut the movie into two is easier for me than going back and forth. I can summarize the stuff that needs summarizing better that way.

The backstory is that Eva has the power and authority to do pretty much anything she thinks is necessary to find out what's happening and how to fix it. They're going to send a crewed ship to Tau Ceti because that star isn't infected even if it should be so they figure the answer is there. While that's getting set up they're finding all kinds of uses for the astrophage, including it being fuel for the ship. Grace had accidentally figured out how to make more of it (breed it) and they're doing that in great quantities.

Because of an accident both of the science officer astronauts are killed, which leaves Grace as the next candidate because Eva hedged her bets and had him involved in most aspects of the project. They don't have time to train anyone because the launch window is in three days. He doesn't want to go but he's drugged and sent anyway. As I said, she'd do what it takes.

Grace picks up memories as they apply to what's happening at the time. He's filling in the blanks, which also builds the story for the viewers. It doesn't distract as much as you might think but it is something where you have to realize it's not linear time for quite a few scenes. Plus there's some where the point of view may annoy but it's better storytelling.

He gets to do science when he makes contact with the alien ship. He's discovering the alien just as we are. Yes, I know that's how storytelling works but this is done in a way that takes us along the interesting and important steps.

The alien doesn't have vision and uses passive echolocation to "see". This creates a communication problem so there's time spent showing them learning how to talk to each other. Rocky says his tones, Grace has a transcoder and is making a dictionary. During that they converse and learn about each other and each other's worlds.

Rocky is alone too because the rest of the crew died on the way. Grace is the one to break the bad news that it was radiation that killed them and Rocky was saved because his quarters/area were protected by the astrophage fuel tanks. Turns out Rocky's people didn't know about space radiation. Turns out they're not very versed in a lot of sciences. Grace is so he's the lead of figuring out what's happening. Rocky gives the down to Erid (his planet, which I gleefully used instead of Earth in this idiom) advice when Grace is too far in the clouds to see the basics.

Rocky moves over to Grace's ship to use the science equipment. He has a hamster ball for himself and builds habitrails through the ship for him to use. There's some Odd Couple vibe going on and the entire cultural difference problem that gets explained as needed. This is where it turns into a buddy cop movie and it works for them.

One thing that's very important to Rocky is that Grace watches him sleep and he watches Grace sleep. It's a cultural thing. There was some initial miscommunication about what "sleep" was because Rocky was conflating it with dying and didn't want to lose Grace like he did his crew. That's when the "I watch you sleep" happens. Grace accepts that it just has to be that way.

Rocky finds out that Grace lied to him and isn't going home. He's going to send everything back on the little ships and die. Rocky finds this unacceptable and does the math to figure out he can provide enough astrophage for Grace to get home at the cost of him getting home a few years later. Grace accepts with much gratitude since he was very much not at peace with what was going to happen.

Science happens and they decide they need a sample from the planet that's feeding Tau Ceti. Off they go in Grace's ship. The science is that there's something on that planet that's keeping the sun in balance so it doesn't get cooler. The reason for that is on the planet, they hope. They do find that there's spots where there's concentrations of .. stuff. Science means getting a sample since that may be the answer.

This is one of the most powerful scenes in the film. You'll hear people calling it "the fishing scene". They get the ship as close to the planet as they can and drop a probe into one of the areas to gather up whatever they can. The scene is quite frankly beautiful. Everyone says that the theater they were in is dead silent during that scene and it was both times I saw it. It's freaking beautiful.

This also brings one of the most tension filled scenes into play when the ship goes into an uncontrolled spin and knocks Grace unconscious before he can correct it. Rocky breaks out of his ball into the ship's deadly atmosphere and drags Grace to the med bed. Grace wakes up and follows the trail of "blood" to where Rocky is curled up in his bedroom area. He moves slightly.

While Rocky is lying there Grace does the science stuff on what the probe brought back and uses science to create a version that will live in Venus's atmosphere. Since nothing is said it's assumed that unmodified taumeba will live in the planet by Rocky. 

Grace talks to Rocky during all this, which is the story exposition done well. And of course, Rocky wakes up. There's a heartfelt tearjerker here and Grace tells him that the collector worked, they got the predator they wanted, and he was able to use Rocky's breeder farms to make enough for both of them.

Now that they have what their suns need there's the parting of the ways. It's sad. It's very sad. But they know it has to happen. For whatever reason Grace cuts the tube away instead of Rocky deconstructing it like he did last time (that bothers me) and they go their separate ways.

Grace gets woken up by a contamination alert. The breeder farm was made of metal that Rocky's people use to make pretty much everything. The taumeba are little fuckers and while Grace was adapting them to not die in nitrogen they were figuring out how to escape through the stuff. He flushes the ship and seals them in plastic bags, which they can't get through.

Then he has the realization that Rocky's ship is made of that metal and he's not a scientist so he has no idea what's going to happen nor can he fix the problem since the problem is his ship itself. Rocky is going to die alone in space. This is .. not good. Grace doesn't have the resources to both go back to Earth and to save Rocky.

In the end he sends the probes back to Earth with the taumeba, all their research, everything about Rocky, etc. He goes out and finds Rocky, luckily still alive but a few tense moments when we're not sure. I wouldn't have put it past them to make it too late and knowing that made the tension real. Rocky is alive and very concerned, because he knows something is wrong and because he knows Grace can't get home.

The movie ends with Grace on Erid in a bubble they built for him. Rocky is in a much better "suit" that lets him walk instead of roll. He tells Grace that the scientists have repaired and refitted his ship to get him back to Earth. Grace asks to think about it and Rocky says to think about it a long time. The movie ends with Grace going to a cave entrance where there's a bunch of stuff on his side, a clear wall, and a bunch of little Rocky creatures that are his students. They're energetic little buggers and he's teaching them science.

It's a tearjerker movie at times. They make you care about not just Grace and Rocky but the fates of their worlds.

There's people who say they made Rocky too "light" and used him for comedic relief, against an actor who's already doing comic relief. That shows they didn't read any of the nuances. Rocky is an engineer. Grace is a scientist. They're both voraciously interested in what the other one does. They're also two entirely different cultures learning about each other at the same time. That's going to cause a lot of the situations that they show. Failure to see all those things means these are people who look for the movies to spell everything out for them so they don't have to think for themselves. Yes. I'm dissing those people.

I was lucky enough to see it on real 70mm film IMAX the first time. The massive screen and beautifully balanced sound - sigh. We saw print 9 of 15. Yes. There's only 15 prints of the movie. It's about 12 miles long and weighs around 700 pounds. There's a certain warmth about film even if it was filmed digitally and transferred to physical film. During the quiet parts I could hear the projector. It's something. And the screen is freaking huge. I think I'm going to see it on IMAX again just because I'm lucky enough to be able to do so.

The second time I saw it was the local digital IMAX. It was still visually stunning. It was brighter and I could focus on details that were missed on the big screen because there was just so much to look at. The place where the cropped IMAX falls short are the space scenes. Those are the ones in the big aspect ratio. If you haven't seen it in real IMAX you won't notice what you're missing so don't fret.

I think this one is going up for a number of awards but the ones it should sweep are the technical ones. The visuals and cinematography are going to be hard to beat. There's so many practical effects that the CGI heavy movies will seem shallow in comparison. I don't think it will get any major awards for acting or writing.

The Book

If you've ever read an Andy Weir book you know you're reading a science book. Andy wants the science right and he's gonna write about it. That's why his books are as good as they are. They expect you to follow along instead of dumbing it down.

I'm going to focus on the things that were in the book but not in the movie. That's why I watched, then read. Not knowing what was excluded meant I got to take the movie as its own entity. That's important to me.

The book goes into a lot more detail about various and sundry scientists on Earth. They were reduced, eliminated, combined in the movie. It makes sense because the movie isn't about them. It's about the end result of what they did but who did it is irrelevant to the movie. That's why so much of the pre-mission stuff was removed. It didn't add to the story the movie was going to tell.

The book had one pseudo-science thing that was a plot device. There was a genetic component to who could be safely put into the induced coma. That limited the available people. Grace happened to be one of them but he wasn't told until he was being told he's going on the mission. Even Andy wasn't completely happy with that piece but it was something that needed to be done to cause the situation where they had limited options for replacements.

Grace didn't realize how much he was being groomed for the project until it was made very clear to him during one of the parties. They had to point out how he was present for almost all of the major meetings, involved in most of the science, etc. The primary captain had everyone's respect from the moment he was named (for reasons never stated) and he's the one who stood up and settled it by telling Grace he's the second in command of the project.

Another thing the book didn't carry into the movie was the intentional climate change ordered by Eva. They nuke Antarctica to get the methane that's in the ice released into the atmosphere. What makes this wrenching is that she uses the research of a well-known climatologist to be the one to plan and execute it. 

Grace's forced addition to the crew was much less dramatic in the book. Instead of him making a run for it, like the movie, he's in a cell then drugged. The captain had said he didn't want anyone who didn't volunteer which made Eva have to make a slight change to her plans and send Grace aboard in the coma, with the captain's objections something she won't have to deal with.

Another big thing that was changed was Rocky's planet Enid. In the book it's at 29 atmospheres and the gravity is insane. The ammonia-based atmosphere is touched on then left alone because once it was stated there wasn't much else to talk about. Rocky was bouncing around on Grace's ship because he was essentially under no gravity as far as he could tell.

Rocky had been at Tau Ceti, alone, for 46 years before Grace showed up. They did not give this number in the movie and that's good. People who find out from the book have a whole new sense of sadness for Rocky.

The book goes way into what Grace figures out and/or assumes about Rocky's physiology. Part of it is when they sleep, they're completely helpless. That's why someone watches them. They need someone to keep them safe. Now think about not having that for 46 years after everyone else on his ship died for reasons he didn't know. The movie touches on this with more of a food coma aspect which keeps it light(er) but the stuff in the book is dark.

Rocky doesn't impose himself on Grace in the book. They decide he should move over there because that's where the science is done and science is going to fix the problem. The changes to Grace's ship are discussed and he helps where he can. There's a respect there that they take out of the movie because it changes the entire texture of the relationship and it doesn't really change the story.

When Rocky breaks out of his ball to save Grace when the ship is spinning out of control it's a lot worse. Grace gets pretty seriously burned getting Rocky back into his area and then almost kills him by trying to help him. The movie shows a small scar on Grace's arm from that situation and doesn't do anything with the "almost killed Rocky by trying to help even though he had no idea what to do" thing.

The rest of the changes are in the ending of the story. Grace only knows that his sun is getting brighter because Rocky said the scientists told him. That gives the assumption that things aren't going to get worse on Earth but he has no idea how bad they got.

They do have a bubble dome for him on Erid but the insanely high gravity is still there and so is the pitch blackness around his bubble. He doesn't have that bright and airy seaside home like in the movie. He's got a yurt in the darkness. He's suffering from the high gravity and still has some residual effects from only having taumeba to eat after his food runs on on the trip to Enid. He had it rough since he made his choice.

And then there's the food thing. This one is something people have definite opinions on. Some say it should have been included, some don't. There's one source of protein Grace can eat on that planet and it's him. They took some samples and cloned his muscles. He calls them "meburgers" because he's literally eating his cloned self. He also says they're pretty good. It's a great scientific insert but so not in keeping with the movie.

Overall they took the darker aspects out of the book, in a lot of ways, and left them out of the movie. They simplified the science by skimming rather than delving. They used their time to show, not tell.

This is why they call it an adaptation. They took what would work in a visual medium with a fixed length of time and chose what they felt would make the best story, while keeping as true as possible to the source. The book and the movie are two different things and if you treat them that way you'll get a much wider story than if you only consume one or expect to have everything in one medium.

They Will Kill You - My Take (Spoilers)

 

I was interested in this one from the trailers and it was the Scream Unseen for the week so hey, I didn't have to use an extra slot to see it. Nice.

I'm kind of sad to say it's another formulaic campy horror movie. They tried, I think. They tried to add unique elements that would set it apart but nope, it didn't happen. The foreshadowing is pretty heavy from the start and they don't deviate.

The story is that Maria takes a job at a high end hotel(?) as a housekeeper. Her first night they, well, try to kill her. The backstory is that Maria and her younger sister Asia were abused by their father, Maria shot him in kind of self defense, served time, lost track of her little sister, and took the job through deception to get her back. To summarize that - big sister Maria is there to get little sister Asia back. I don't know exactly why she had to go to these measures to do it but hey, maybe because the staff lives on-site? Dunno. Sets up the location.

That first night they do indeed try to kill her. There was a warning written on the mirror by the maintenance guy (assumed) that showed up in the shower steam but was gone when she got out of the shower. Oddly enough when they do start coming through the walls (there's a convenient hole in the wall behind the small refrigerator in the room) she pulls a very large knife out of her bag and goes to town. They've got pig faces which turn out to be masks as they chastise each other because she escaped.

That's the setup. They're chasing her through the building.

But wait - these guys heal from everything. They're incapacitated for a bit, but then they're back. The extra bit of the story is that they're all immortal. There's an exposition spouting housekeeper with a fake Irish accent you can float bowling balls on telling her everything from the moment she walked in the door.

Speaking of that. She showed up at the place saying she's the new housekeeper, using the fake name. The housekeeper asks to see her ID, then shows her in. Her cell phone is taken as a matter of procedure. She's introduced to some of the guests/residents/whatever they are that are in the lobby. She's shown her room, seeing things like the breakroom as they go by. Then she's in for the night. My logical mind wondered if the real person had already done the whole HR thing of paperwork or if that's just ignored because they're going to kill her so no need to pay her, right?

Now the chase is on. She's going to try to find her sister while she's being hunted by the immortal people who want to kill her. There's many reviews that reference Tarantino because she's barefoot through the entire movie. It's not a "Die Hard" concept where there's problems with it. She just is. So someone had a fetish or they wanted to show something that escapes my grasp.

There's many a fight and would-be kill. There's a humorous aspect of one woman's head being blown off (she brought a double barrel short shotgun too) and her eyeball wandering around on its own reporting back. So lots and lots of blood and gore, even the classic beheading with the blood spraying to the ceiling. I told you they stuck to the camp horror formula.

She finds her little sister. A very minor detail from earlier in the movie comes back to show that her little sister has decided to join them rather than be killed. The minor detail is a pair of earrings shown earlier now worn by the little sister. The woman who's place big sister took was to be her sacrifice and entry into the immortal club. Whoopsie.

The little sister is all caught up on her big sister leaving her with the abusive dad. It's not like the big sister had much choice after being put in prison for trying, and failing, to kill the abusive dad when they were on the run but hey, had to have a reason why little sister is upset. This is now part of the interactions as they both run to try to get out. Again, not really tight writing.

Big sister gets caught. They bring her up to the top level where, gasp, there's an alter to Satan/some demon. Big big surprise since the original pan down the building at the beginning of the movie shows a red window in the attic with a pentagram. Not subtle at all.

The thing here is you write your name on the pig-head-on-a-stick, make your sacrifice, do some kind of soul pledge, and you're immortal. There's a ceremony where they bring the demon to inhabit said pig head. It's "alive" and kinda nasty. It's also covered in names. There's a rather nice fluorite terminated crystal hanging from its ear as a writing implement. The fact I noticed this tells you how much the rest of the movie kept my attention.

The next setup is that little sister goes forward, writes her name, then kills herself. That seems to be unprecedented because it sets up a major fight scene. Big sister conveniently and expertly slices off the piece of skin with her sister's name on it during the fight. There's the standard hooks hanging from chains, poles set into the floor, etc. for mayhem to occur. The demon is not happy about being stuck on the stick so the housekeeper jams the pig head on her own head so big sister is fighting the housekeeper with the pig head.

Sigh.

Big sister has a lighter and lights up the housekeeper (after she's impaled on one of those handy floor poles) which also burns the pig head. That burns the names which makes the immortals, currently in various states of impalement, mortal. All fall down.

The sisters get away and the skin doesn't have the little sister's name on it. At some point one of them changed it to the big sister's name. I think it was before the fighting really started. I dunno. The skin is still there and squirming in her hand as they leave the flaming remains of the building.

I'm tired of the Satanic premise so many of these movies use. It's getting tiring. It's lazy. They can't think up something so hey, let's make them devil worshipers. Woo! High fives all around the writing table. I can't complain too much because it's part of the formula.

If you like campy horror this won't disappoint. The lead actress is better than you'd expect and I hope she gets some better roles in her near future. No one else in the thing deserves more.